absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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