do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
