I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
