happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
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Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
A bitchslap is in order.
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