i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
now i know why i became what i already was.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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