as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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