I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
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If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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