He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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