An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
