she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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