Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
