According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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