I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
