someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
