I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
