You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize