Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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