Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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