I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
