the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
