need another drink. this is the easiest way
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
