Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
