We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
