Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
