If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my shit smells like andre
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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