we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
