he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
