Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
