he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
