Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
