I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
