Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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