FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
