So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
