found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
