Cold hands, warm shart.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
