I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
