When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
