3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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