you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
