Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
