Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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