he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
