I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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