We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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