help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize