i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
