Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
