All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Found your dick twin last night
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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