On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There r osticjed everywhere
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
