I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
