What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
