there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
