I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i was born a porn star she said
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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