if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
there's paper in my vomit.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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