His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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