I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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