She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
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And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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