i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
