dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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