soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
