You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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