I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
