He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
