You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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