Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
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I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
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Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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