So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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