I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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