Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She bit a glass in half.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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