Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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