i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Your penis caused this!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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