im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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