She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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