I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize