a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
