Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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