Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Found your dick twin last night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
