I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
