Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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