I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
