If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
