i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
