Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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