i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
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Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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