Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
