he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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