i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
