It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
