you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
