my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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