Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
