3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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