thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
