cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
