I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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